Book Review by Scott Lohman
“The Woman They Wanted: Shattering the Illusion of the Good Christian Wife” by Shannon Harris
Shannon Harris was married to Joshua Harris, the guy who wrote “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, a book that was out in the heights of the “purity” era for conservative parts Christianity. Joshua Harris wrote the book when he was in his early 20’s and was considered brilliant for showing everyone how men and women should meet up, create relationships and move on to marriage. It was supposed to stop couples engaging in that icky sex.
Shannon Harris was the woman that Joshua “courted” and used their experiences and relationship as the basis for the book. Joshua went on to be a pastor for churches in the “Sovereign Grace” group. Shannon chronicles the relationship from what she saw and experienced. Women in this part of conservative Christianity are not treated well. Shannon was the wife of one the junior pastors in the church. She was encouraged to start having babies and being the “helpmeet” of her husband. Roles in both the church and her marriage were strictly set out. She was discouraged from using her singing and other non-church related talents. She was told that the man was the boss in the marriage and she was follow his lead in everything. She even had the senior pastors wife “helping” her, or more like issuing orders on the proper role of women in these churches.
Harris writes the book in essay style with longer sections in the early parts of her life as she establishes her story and background. Like all memoirs, she is open about what she wants to tell and closed about things she prefers to keep private. Many of these type of books keep things related to the children out as to keep their lives private.
The lessons Shannon learned from her life in that controlling society, is that conservative Christians of the type she was part of for years, want women quiet, hard working and showing up with a cheerful attitude of service help with perfectly groomed and well behaving family. Shannon shows that this takes an enormous tole on the women, as they are not allowed jobs of their own, much less being able to follow their dreams of creative careers such as music, writing etc. Women are expected to fall in line, spouses of senior pastors get to rule over those of the junior pastors. And the men are always in charge.
Fortunately Shannon was able to escape and Joshua renounced his book and moved on as well. Shannon’s story is a warning about the damage and danger of high control religion. Hopefully her story will help many.
Notes Along The Way 